I Can Afford To Be Suze Orman For Halloween

So, Halloween is a day away, and adults all across America are scrambling for a costume. Adults...scrambling...for costumes? My husband said it best when he said that adults should be one thing for Halloween: adults. Stop wasting money in this economy on cat ears, slutty nurse costumes, Spiderman outfits, and buy yourself some dignity. Unless that doctor at your friend's Halloween party claiming to have gone to Yale shows you his diploma, run, don't walk to the next barrell to bob for apples.

Going to a Halloween party is not out of the question. Going to a Halloween party dressed as a Jersey Shore character at the age of 30 is not only out of the question, it is downright embarrassing. Stop it! It's not cute. It's pathetic. Put the money you are going to spend on Situation's foam abs in a B-A-N-K account. Instead of Googling, "Halloween costumes", Google, "Credit Union". Or call Suze Orman, she will tell you if you can really afford to look like a slut for 5 hours on October 31st.

Whatever you do, don't give in to the pressure. Not everyone's doing it (hopefully). Stay home and watch the History Channel like a real adult (okay, don't be THAT boring), or CNBC's To Catch A Predator (at least you will know whose house to NOT send your kids to Trick-or-Treat). If you HAVE to dress up, pretend to be someone with a little common sense. Steven Slater. Nancy Grace. Jon Stewart. Keep Halloween classy, people.

So, when you are downing your 3rd Pumpkin Martini at So-and-So's costume party, remember that the guy hitting on you is not a doctor. He is a community college dropout living in his parent's basement. Tell him to Google, "Suze Orman's Can I Afford It?" Then be prepared to lend him your cell phone to call her show. Because, let's face it, he spent all his hard earned McDonald's money on that pair of scrubs not an iPhone. Now go buy 10 packs of Crest White Strips, an amazing shiny pink jacket, and the shortest I'm-not-a-lesbian-blond wig you can find. And be prepared to get a whole lot of annoying, "Who-are-you-supposed-to-be?" type questions. But who cares, at least you could afford your costume.